To The Brother I Lost To Suicide (A Poem)

Losing a brother to suicide is complicated and painful. Reading and writing poems about losing a brother to suicide can help you process the pain.

In this poem, Laura, who lost her only brother to suicide, takes us on her journey of healing. She wrote this beautiful, moving, and intimate poem, and we’re pleased to share it with you today.

Losing A Brother To Suicide Poem, by Laura

To The Brother I Lost To Suicide (A Poem)

If I could talk to you now, I would tell you that I am okay, I have survived with this tattooed body of scars.

I would tell you that sometimes I shatter under the weight of “only child.”

I’d tell you that you’d be proud of me, proud of the person I’ve become, which maybe only looks impressive in comparison to what I’ve gone through.

I’d tell you I don’t feel connected to the community suicide survivors. You were taken from me before you even took yourself away. I would tell you I don’t even feel connected to mental health community because you weren’t mental. You were beautiful. I’ll rename it the “beautiful health” community, you our fearless leader.

I’d tell you your smile floats in and out of my consciousness every day. I didn’t know a smile could burn so deeply in one’s psyche. Like a branding.

I’d tell you some days feel long and some days feel short, and all in all not much has changed. Yet everything has changed. I’d tell you I feel more unsure about all things.

I’d tell you people remember you. You are still active in their lives. I’d tell you I’m afraid, at times, to know that I am also just a thread in the web. Like you. That I won’t sparkle as much.

I’d tell you sometimes the veil is thin, and your touch feels silky, like melted butter.

I’d tell you not to cry for me. Because when the pieces are smashed, laid out, something new can be made. And I believe that’s a blessing; so wipe those tears, dear brother.

I’d tell you I feel more than ever before. It expands beyond this body. Which means I’m bigger.

And you’re bigger. And together, we’re the biggest.

(Photo by Susana Fernandez)

More Resources

If you’ve lost a brother or sister to suicide, you are smart to seek out resources for healing. Siblings often suffer invisibly while their parents get all the attention.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family, express yourself in poems, stories or whatever (healthy) medium feels right to you.

Please reach out if you would like to contribute your work to this site.

A poem about grief and moving on.

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Laura Thomas

Laura Thomas is a storytelling passionate about transformative life experiences. Her upcoming memoir, What the Heart Says, follows the loss of her brother to suicide and her journey through healing. She also performs a one-woman play of her memoir, exploring with audiences what it means to be vulnerable.

13 Responses

  1. Nan says:

    I can relate so much, I lost my brother to suicide too when i was reading the title and was about to open the link to read it… I was afraid.
    I was afraid that i might cry but i didn’t, it was a beautiful poem that made me want to grow and become even more stronger than i am today. I want to thank you for sharing this! ❤️

    • Laura Thomas says:

      Nan, I’m so grateful for your comment and engagement. I’m glad you were drawn in, despite the fear. I also seek to continue growing, and integrating grief. The anniversary of my brother’s passing is in a few days. It feels special to receive this from you when I’m swimming in the intimate waters of grief. Wishing you and your heart wholeness. You’re not alone! <3

  2. Jeannette Arroyo says:

    Hi Laura! Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, touching, and inspiring peace. Sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in May 13, 2020. When I received the news I became, sad, guilty, and angry. My brother was Retired Air Force young man who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, PTSD, and Depression. I am currently reading reading and trying to understand…Thank you for your strength. Let the Universe bless you with healing and peace.

    • Laura Thomas says:

      Thank you for sharing, Jeannette. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother, and the challenges he faced. The understanding part, for me, is often the hardest. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in that journey of getting closer to understanding, and also connecting with others who sit with the same questions, and the same love for their brothers. Sending you and your family love! <3

  3. Jasmine says:

    Thank you for this. I lost my brother on March 17th of this year. He was crucial in the family. Our youngest brother is low functioning autistic and nonverbal. It breaks me to see him go through this too. Your poem helped ease me tonight. I miss that stinker so much.

    • Laura Thomas says:

      Jasmine, thank you for reading. I’m so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I’m glad that, through these words, perhaps for that evening you felt that you weren’t alone. You aren’t. Those beautiful stinker brothers of ours! They will remain in our hearts forever. I’m sending you and your family so much love. <3

  4. Mara says:

    It’s wonderful. I’m sure your words have helped many. I have not known anyone who has committed suicide, however, I have suffered from a horrific event regarding my family, and l too write poems, and various synopses about my feelings, grief and many different things. I am attempting to write a book with all of my writings. Maybe we can talk and share sometime. I commend you.

    • Laura Thomas says:

      Hi Mara, thank you for taking the time to read. I’m glad that you too find solace, comfort, and maybe understanding in writing. I find that it’s a way to process challenging human experiences, as you also expressed. I hope your writing is going well! Keep going!

  5. Leigh Anne says:

    I feel your words Laura. I precious little brother had everything going for him. He committed suicide and I can’t accept it. I just keep searching for reasons.

    • Laura Thomas says:

      Hi Leigh, I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother. That feeling of lost potential, of so much life, is both a beautiful thing to remember and a hard thing to reconcile in the face of suicide. I’m sending you love on your journey of searching for reasons. You aren’t alone.

  6. I know each word intimately Laura… I too am the surviving sibling … living an only child life after my brother died by suicide. So much of what you write to your brother about I have whispered in moments between moments to mine… so very thankful to have read your words. xx

  7. April Lee says:

    beautiful and raw. thank you for allowing us this glimpse of grief and healing.

  8. This is so beautiful, touching, and vulnerable, Laura. I am so sorry for your loss, and I admire your using writing to not only move through your healing, but to share that healing with the world. Thank you for being here. ♥

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